Soi's Sanity
by K-Sura Sura
Summary: Well, this is about Soi's past as well as her day to day life with Nakago and co. How much do we actually know about Soi's past? It's a bit of an AU and rated just to be safe. It's my first fic so anything you can say to help would be great! Finished!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own FY! … I don't own anything except a computer…. and some food….. and ..ermm….and other stuff.

**Soi's Sanity**

Prologue

_The first time her body had been sold. The man had been watching her play in the garden picking the flowers. The man had come up to her, smiled so nicely, and asked her where she lived. That man. He had a brief discussion with her father and the man passed him an envelope. Her father smiled and nodded, motioning toward her. The man looked at Soi again and again he smiled but this time it was different. _

Soi woke, the bed was drenched in sweat and she was breathing heavily. She had had the dream again. It was the same every night. She decided to wash up so she slipped out of bed and put on a long dark robe. Silently she made her way past the tents of sleeping soldiers and purposefully avoiding Nakago's by taking the long way around. Thank Seiryu that they had made camp near a lake.

Taking off her robe she gently cut through the cool water trying to calm her mind. Her hair threaded through the water behind like blood. Why? Why was she condemned to endure this over and over again? To see it, feel it. She looked down into the deep blackness of the water. Couldn't she just end it? Just stop swimming? Let herself slip under… it would all end. No one was around she could do it and no one would know until the morning.

She could feel the water rising around her, soon she was completely submerged. In the darkness she began to see. Her mind's eye wondered to all that she had done in her life. All that she had dreamed to do …. all that she couldn't if she let herself go like this.

Suddenly she breached the surface and her lungs flooded with air. Gasping she pulled herself up on the shore wrapped her robe around her. She wouldn't be beaten so easily. If she took her life like this he would win.

She sat on the shore for an eternity just watching the ebb and flow of the waves, and the shimmer of the moon. Only footprints were left to tell of her secret rendezvous with the black water.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 1**

_That was the first time she could remember crying. The man took her home with him. At first he seemed nice. He gave her candy, told her funny jokes, and gave her the biggest lunch she'd ever eaten. He said his name was Monoko - Sama. _

_Their were other kids their too but they didn't say much. Every now and then a man would come to the door, give Monoko – Sama an envelope and would take a kid with him when he left. The kid would come back the next day. All they seemed to do was eat, sleep, and come and go with these men. When ever a kid tried to resist, Monoko – Sama would take them into another room and beat them. _

_One day a man pulled up in a gold trimmed carriage pulled by six black horses with emerald and scarlet plumes on their heads. When he stepped out he was dressed in the richest purple she'd ever seen! _

_The man walked directly to Monoko – Sama's office and shut the door. The other kids and I huddled around pressing our ears against the wall but only got snippets of the conversation. _

"_She's new…… not trained yet…."_

"_I don't care….. supple….. tender …. Innocence."_

"_It'll cost you."_

"_How much?"_

"…"

"_That's fine. I'll ……… and deliver her tomorrow." _

"_Enjoy."_

_All the kids ran back to what they were doing as soon as that last word was uttered. The door opened and the man came up to me, took my hand, and led me away to the carriage. At first I wouldn't go but Monoko – Sama told me that I was going to a big palace, that he and I were going to have fun, and that he'd see me tomorrow. I looked past him to the other kids. They looked at each other, at the floor, everywhere but at me and their expressions were all the same: blank. _

"Lady Soi? It's time to break camp."

Soi started out of her daydream. "Yes … Thank you. I'll be right out." Soi packed up her essentials onto her horse as the servants loaded her other belongings onto a wagon. She couldn't help but feel alone, alone with her head and all the memories that it contained.

"I saw you leave your tent last night Soi. Trouble sleeping?"

Soi turned to see Tomo already seated on his horse. "And why were you up at that hour Tomo?"

"Oh no reason…. I was on my way back from Nakago's and – "

"I don't even want to know. Come on let meet up with Nakago." She mounted her horse as the sun crested the morning clouds.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Upon reviewing my last entries I noticed some grammatical and spelling errors. I apologize and will try to be more careful in the future. So, enjoy chapter 2!

**Chapter 2**

Soi's head was swimming. How could she concentrate on the briefing while her brain was pounding so hard she wanted to blow it out of her skull?

"Lady Soi. I'm sorry if I'm boring you but would you kindly draw your attention to the task at hand?"

Soi's eyes darted to the map lying open on the table.

"I'm sorry… please continue."

She eyed the sorry excuse of an official who had spoken to her. Who was he to lecture her? She could turn him into a french-fry in .01 of a second! Why did Nakago choose today of all days to go off gallivanting ahead to "scout the terrain." Every one of them new that Nakago hated the formalities set down by the Emperor and would protest them at every turn.

"Soi! Please, will you just ---"

Soi stood; her red hair flaring out behind her as the chair was overturned in her wake. The man didn't say a word as she quite literally _stormed_ out of the tent; electricity crackling around her form.

"I'm going to go find Nakago." She said in a voice as calm as she could humanly produce, and was on her horse riding over the hill before any of them could protest. Tomo eyed the shaking man.

"Don't worry she's not always like this. It's uhhh… "that time of the month."

Soi road west for what must have been hours for soon the sun was directly above her. She surveyed the distance; sure that Nakago had come this way. Why couldn't she find him? _He's never gone this far away from camp before _she thought. Then as if on cue a voice came from above her.

"I've been following you for an hour and still you haven't noticed me. Come on Soi I thought you were better than that."

"Nakago!" She quickly schooled her voice into a more professional tone.

"What are you doing out here?" Soi said looking up. There he was with his gold hair sparkling in the light of an equally bright sun. He was seated on a high tree limb gazing down at her.

"I could ask you the same thing Soi. Was the meeting really that boring?"

"That little worm of an officer gave me a lecture for not paying attention. So I left."

"Ahh.. Well there's not much I can do about that. You were the one not paying attention."

Soi felt like she had just been scolded be a parent. Would he never see her as an equal? A partner? She closed her eyes against the gnawing pain in her chest. Why was this so difficult for her? _Nakago I love you!_ She tried to say it but the words just wouldn't come.

"I'm gonna go scout ahead some more. I saw a suspicious band of people and I intend on paying them a visit. Stay here will you?" Nakago mounted his horse which he had concealed quite well and rode off.

_Great…. Now what was she supposed to do?_ She should get some rest for the battle tomorrow she thought. Tomorrow they were going to wipe out the last of the Suzaku worriers. It shouldn't be too hard; they didn't have any of their powers left. What could happen? Soon she fell asleep under the tree.

_Soi remembered being helped into the carriage, the door closing, and bumping as it rolled over the dirt road. _

"_So my dear what's your name?" His voice had a sickly sweet sound to it._

"_Soi."_

"_Soi … hmm what a pretty name."_

_He didn't talk to her until they reached a big house with a sprawling courtyard. _

"_Now as soon as we stop you'll be given to a group of women with black hair and they'll all be wearing gold. You do as they say and be a good girl."_

_The women had given her a bath, fed her, perfumed her hair, and dressed her in what could almost be considered clothes except that they didn't cover hardly anything. Then she was left in a room… all alone. _

_It wasn't long before she had company. It wasn't the man from the carriage. It was an older boy with golden blond hair and piercing sapphire eyes. _


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: I'm sorry that it took so long to post this. BUT I HAVE A LIFE TOO YA KNOW?!?!?!?

**Chapter 3**

_Soi didn't know what to do; the blond man just stood their looking at her, his eyes piercing the scanty clothing. He sure was beautiful, and had a kind of pity in his eyes before it was clouded with anger._

_Turning sharply he through open the door and bellowed down the hallway for his attendant. When he arrived the blond man seemed very upset. _

"_What is a child doing in my quarters?"_

"_It is a gift from His Excellency."_

"_You can tell his "excellency" that I refuse his "gift" and that I'll be taking my meal after he has gone to bed."_

"_Yes Lord Nakago."_

_Nakago didn't even let the man turn to leave before he slammed the heavy door in his face. Slowly he turned to look at the girl, standing quietly in his room. _

"_What is your name?"_

"_Soi"_

"_Soi you are in grave danger here. You must leave at once. I'll have a carriage brought around for you. Just wait here." Just as Nakago opened the door he came face to face with another servant._

"_Have a carriage brought to the side entrance, and do it quietly."_

"_Alright but you should know that His Excellency has requested the girl if you don't take her."_

"_Tell him that I'll take her but have the carriage brought so that he'll never know that she's gone. I will not let this happen."_

"_Yes Lord."_

_The man ducked out and was gone for what seemed to be hours. Still, Soi didn't know what was going on. Had she done something wrong? Meanwhile Nakago seemed to be getting more and more upset. _

"_Where is he? It couldn't possibly take this long to get a carriage! … You stay here… I'm going to find out what's going on."_

_He crept out the door, down the hall, and she was alone. The silence in that room was awesome and Soi didn't know why but she started to weep. Soon after Nakago left the servant slipped into the room. _

"_Little girl? Would you like to come with me?"_

_Soi shook her head. "Nakago told me to stay here."_

"_Yes I know, but Nakago got the carriage and he's waiting for you outside."_

_Soi took the man's hand and he led her out of the room. They passed countless doors and hallways and Soi was glad that she didn't have to go by herself. Stopping, the man knocked on a big door and waited for permission to enter. The man had a furrowed brow and was shifting his wait from foot to foot like he was nervous. He would glance down at her every now and then and try to say something but would stop himself. _

"_Come in" _

_He leaned down next to me and looked into my eyes. "I'm sorry….. I'm so sorry…. But the Emperor he'll… I'll be killed if I don't…"_

"_I said come in!!"_

_The door opened and Soi was pushed inside. It was a dimly lit room. There were many candles and perfume floated in the air. _

"_Hello my dear. Would you like to come over here so I can see you better?"_

_He was sitting on the great bed and in a robe across the room. Soi recognized him as the first man in purple and walked over to him._

"_Well, what an outfit they picked out for you! Come now turn around let me see you."_

_Soi spun and showed him the lack of clothing that enfolded her. _

"_Come sit with me child. Do you want to play a game?"_

"_A game?" Soi reached the bed and climbed on. _

"_Yes, all you have to do is lye down to start."_

_Soi did and the man placed his hand on her stomach. Gently he ran circles around her navel and she shivered. _

"_Stop that it tickles!" She tried to get up but he pressed his hand on her forcing her down. _

_The next day she was sent back to Monoko – Sama's house. Soi didn't really know what to think of what had happened to her; all that she knew was that she didn't like it and that she must have done something wrong to make him hurt her. _

_That wasn't the only time she was sent out. Ever since that night when ever a man with an envelope came to the door Monoko – Sama would take him in the other room and she'd hear the words "The Emperor himself approved." and she would be sent out into the night with another stranger. _

"Soi? … Soi!"

Soi felt a shaking of her right arm and was instantly awake at the sound of his voice."

"You shouldn't sleep out here. What if you get ambushed?"

"I'm sorry Nakago I didn't realize I was so tired."

"Well get on your horse and head back to camp. Need I remind you that we have a battle tomorrow?"

Soi quickly ascended her mount and she and Nakago road back to camp. The camp was clearly in battle mode. Soldiers were sharpening their blades as well as honing their techniques. Soi didn't think that this was a bad idea herself and decided to get in some extra practice. Besides it would help to clear her mind before the battle.

It wasn't long before Nakago found his way to the training area as well. Soi was surprised because she thought he was mad at her. He drew his sword and readied to attack her. _Oh.. well, maybe he is mad at me._ She thought but accepted the challenge and took a defensive stance. The only thing that anyone could hope to do against Nakago in battle was defend.

Nakago charged and he and Soi went at it until dawn's early light. There was a crowd at first and Tomo was really into it. He was cheering Nakago on saying things like "OOOO ya! Hit her again!! Again!!" and "If you do good I make you a very special treat tonight." At that point Nakago started attacking Tomo who made a quick get away. But soon everyone went back to their tent to rest and Soi and Nakago were alone collapsed on the field.

"Nakago? Can I ask you about the night we first met?"

"What do you want to know?"

"Did you know what was going to happen to me? Is that why you tried to get me out?"

"Yes."

"The servant took me to the Emperor after you left…. He was waiting for you to leave and –"

"I know."

"Did you try to look for me?"

"No. I knew what happened when I got back and you weren't there. I went to his room and I saw you on his bed… to tell you the truth I thought that you were dead…. You lay so still. I went back to my room the second time and the servant was there crying. Apologizing. I killed him."

"Humph. Thanks."

"We should get ready for the battle."

Nakago stood and walked off in the direction of his tent.

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There! Hope you liked it. I'll be posting the final chapter sometime tomorrow!


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Sorry about the time it took to post this; I'm actually working on two novels right now and there still in their beginning stages. Also, I don't know when I'll be posting another FY fic so if you liked this you could look for my stuff elsewhere. As always thank you for reading and thank you for your support. Enjoy! OH PS: I do go into Naki's POV a bit.

**Chapter 4**

Soi stood up. "That's it?!? That's all you have to say? "We should get ready for battle?" I can't believe how you have nothing else to say!"

"Your tired Soi. Get some rest." Nakago seemed annoyed.

"NO! I don't need rest! I need you to acknowledge that something terrible happened to me! I need you to understand –"

"And yet you can't understand that bad things happen to other people? You're not the only person in this world with problems Soi. Get some rest and clear your head."

"I can't rest. Do you know why? It's because every time I close my eyes I see my life … And I hate it! I could keep it out of my head during the day before but now it's consuming every waking moment!" Soi looked at the ground. "It's eating away at me." She looked up to see his reaction, but he was already gone.

Soi went back to her tent. What a little fool she had been. She had been rebuked, rejected. How could she bring herself to look at him anymore, to meet his gaze with dignity? She paced the floor of her tent more awake now then in her whole life. At least Tomo wasn't awake to hear that. Then she would truly have to kill herself. Nakago could never see her as an equal now not to mention a lover. Now he saw her as an ungrateful child. It was over.

Nakago walked three times around the camp before he arrived at his tent. _I needed to clear my head too_ he thought. He brushed away the flaps strode right to his bed and fell unceremoniously onto it's sheets. _Why did this have to be so difficult? _He stopped himself._ Why was what so difficult? What exactly am I trying to do? _He swung his legs over the side and sat up. He felt sorry for what happened to Soi. He should have known that the Emperor would try something. It was his fault! _She must hate me._ He laughed. Since when did he care who hated him or not? As far as he knew everyone either hated or feared him. Why should one more matter now?

Nakago had a bad feeling about something….but what? The Battle? Nothing could go wrong there they had all the power and that's all they needed. Their enemies would fall and after that so would the Emperor. Then maybe he could bring himself to tell Soi how he felt. He would right the wrongs and they could shape the world together in their image and in their ideal. The camp was beginning to wake and the first step of his plan would begin.

Soi hadn't slept a wink either. She mostly just sat and stared at the floor. A soldier asked her if she was tired and she shook her head and waved him away. But the truth that she knew in the back of her mind was that she couldn't sleep, not even if she wanted to. She couldn't live that part of her past again. Instead she splashed some water on her face, mounted her horse and rode to the meeting point.

Soon the orders were given, the units were organized and the ranks were formed. They were off to finish a war! A war that they were going to win! But Soi couldn't help but feel anxious their enemy was too smart just to lie down and die. They must have something up their sleeve. She chuckled. _The love birds better have made wise use of their last moments together._ She glanced at Nakago and he was looking at her out of the corner of his eye. Embarrassed Soi turned her head and her heart sank as she caught sight of the lake. She could have ended it that night before she made such a fool out of herself. She could still see the faint imprints her feet and body had made in the sand. It's amazing what can happen all in one day. _After the battle I'll come back for a swim. _She glanced back at Nakago and she could tell he was not used to smiling because the little one he had on his face seemed out of place. Quickly she turned away again; sure she was blushing a little. But these events didn't escape Tomo's attention and he gave her a dirty look and for he first time in a while Soi really laughed to herself. _Well, maybe not all is lost._

Soi, however didn't have time to relax, before she knew it they were cresting the cliff overlooking the battlefield. Men were being killed left and right and red was every where. Then she saw a glint amongst the chaos. The Holy Sword! So…they did have something going for them. _But no matter._ She thought. _One sword won't make that much of a difference_. She sat amused by their pathetic attempts to gain the upper hand. This was going to be the easiest battle that they ever fought!

Every now and then Soi enjoyed zapping the casual soldier and especially their priestess. She so loved the little shrieks she let out. She must have gone too far though. All she saw was the flash and she reacted. The next thing she knew she was in Nakago's arms and every thing was getting hazy. She must tell him! She could feel her lips moving but she didn't know what she was saying. She couldn't hear anything but his breathing nor feel anything but the safety of his arms. She was there at last, she'd made it to her refuge. Soi looked into Nakago's eyes and found peace. She was tired but too afraid to sleep until Nakago nodded.

"Soi….your safe here." He said. "I'll protect you. No one will ever hurt you again."

_Soi was so frightened. Monoko – Sama could hit hard enough to knock a tooth out. All she could do was wait for the blow… but the blow never came. Tentatively she opened her eyes. It was Nakago! She looked down and Monoko – Sama's blood was running over the grass. Nakago had saved her! _

Soi smiled and leaned to kiss him. Just one kiss. That was all she ever wanted; a kiss with the look in his eyes that he held for her right now. But she collapsed into his chest still smiling. He had saved her one last time.


End file.
